I Am Not Sarah Lancaster

I am the person who "does" this website, and I want to talk to you for a minute.

I REGULARLY RECEIVE emails from people telling me that I am beautiful, and a great actress. Some of them even ask if I want to talk to them on MSN Messenger. Whilst flattering, these emails have one or two errors in them.

1. I am probably not as beautiful to you as you would imagine. I am a man in his thirties, and I wear glasses sometimes.

2. I am only a great actress if you are prepared to believe that I am a woman acting the part of a man in his thirties. If you are prepared to believe that, then I am probably the finest actress in the world. I am from the "method" school of acting, having gone to the lengths of being born and raised as a male, and later married a woman and fathered two children.

3. If I talk to you on Messenger there is every chance that you will be disappointed by the fact that I am unable to give detailed accounts of Sarah Lancaster's favourite book, movie, colour, and form of aerobic exercise. Nor will I be able to get you a part in my latest movie or TV show, since I do not have one.

You see, I have never met Sarah Lancaster. I have never seen her in person. I am sure that I have never been in the same room as her, and I have been in some pretty big rooms. I went to see Paul McCartney in Manchester in 2003 and there were tens of thousands of people there. I am willing to bet real money that Sarah Lancaster was doing something else that night.

This website was created because I thought Sarah Lancaster was in equal parts both cool and hot. There were no other websites about her around at the time, so I thought I would make one, because I was learning how to make websites at the time (I am much better at it now, honest). It was not created at her request, and she has never contacted me to say that she either likes it or thinks that it is rubbish. For all I know she's never even seen it, although I'd like to think that she has.

All of the information on it has been gleaned by searching the Internet. I don't have access to any special information or exclusive photographs. I don't have Sarah's phone number, email address, shoe size, inside leg measurement, access to the Kansas real estate she grew up on or anything else. I would love it if her agent sent me some stuff for use on the website, but I don't know who her agent is, so I can't even ask. That's how little I have to do with Sarah Lancaster. I know more about rock bands from Pluto than I do about Sarah's day-to-day life.

So please, before you email me, please try to get to grips with the fact that I am not Sarah Lancaster, never have been, and barring the most bizarre of circumstances, never will be. I welcome emails with cool new photos of Sarah in them, or ones that say that they think this website is good, or offer some sort of constructive criticism. I also welcome emails from Sarah Lancaster asking me if I want to have lunch, and clearly stating that she will be wearing something short and flirting outrageously throughout.

Thanks for listening, now it's back to your scheduled programming.

This site is completely unofficial, and unconnected to Sarah Lancaster in any way. Any views or opinions expressed in the site or any message board are those of the contributors, not of Sarah Lancaster or anyone acting for her. Pictures included in the site are assumed to be in the public domain. If any pictures should not be here, please contact the site by e-mail and they will be removed from the site.